After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked.
So they went to a doctor, and got checked over.
The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take
this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow."
So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little
bottle. It was empty.
   The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, " Problems?" he said.
    "Have I ever had problems, doc.!" the man replied. " I went home and
straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. I
tell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it! I had to get the wife
upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't
do it. "
    "So what did you do?" said the doctor.
    " We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure
she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc,
she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!"
  "But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!!!!!"

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals

What's a blonde's mating call? 

     I think I'm drunk. 

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of
your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I 
wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that
says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was
interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
"Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. 
"Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied.
"Nope! Sorry play again".
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the
same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was
really ticked:
"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to
have free sex!" He screamed.
"Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times
last week alone!"