My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

- Rodney Dangerfield

You slam a politician, you make out he’s the devil, with horns and hoofs.
But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

                                  - - - Pamela Hansford Johnson

Never try to out-stubborn a cat. 

    - Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
   business.
         Shelley Berman

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow,
and when I woke up the pillow was gone." -- Tommy Cooper