Mary had a little lamb (The sad European version)

Mary had a little lamb,
its coat was full off fleas,
but even worse the little cunt
had foot and mouth disease.

Mary had a little lamb,
its mouth was full of blisters,
but now its on a bonfire,
with all its brothers and sisters.

Sent by Jack

                    There was a young man of Loch Leven
                            
                    Who went for a walk about seven.
                            He fell into a pit
                            That was brimful of shit,
                            
                    And now the poor bugger's in heaven.
                            

                    A Chinaman hailing from Woozee
                            
                    Once laid an American floozie.
                            "How different," he cried,
                            As he slid it inside,
                            
                    "To diddle a vertical coozie!"
                            
                                              

There was a young fellow named Simon 
            Who tried to discover a hymen, 
                But he found every girl 
                Had relinquished her pearl 
            In exchange for a solitaire diamond. 

                    A hermit who had an oasis
                            
                    Thought it the best of all places:
                            He could pray and be calm
                            'Neath a pleasant date-palm,
                            
                    While the lice on his ballocks ran races.