The bishop of Winchester Junction 
            Found his phallus would no longer function. 
                So in black crepe he wound it, 
                Tied a lily around it, 
            And solemnly gave it last unction. 

There was a young fellow named Biddle 
               Whose girl had to teach him to diddle. 
                    She grabbed hold of his bow 
                    And said, "If you want to know, 
               You can try parting my hair in the middle." 

               There was a young man of Manhasset 
               Whose life seemed excessively placid. 
                    One day, just for fun, 
                    He raped an old nun, 
               And filled up her crevice with acid. 

There was a young fellow named Sweeney 
               Whose girl was a terrible meanie. 
                    The hatch of her snatch 
                    Had a catch that would latch--- 
               She could only be screwed by Houdini. 

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose feet were attached to grease buckets
From trouble he'd hide
With a quick slip n slide
Of responsibility he said, simply, "duck it."

PS So you see, Bill, in America,

*anyone* can grow up to be the President.

sent by Summer Mondeau