The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle.  He thought
and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the 
Cardinal next to him, "What's a four letter word, ending in 
U - N - T that means 'woman'?"

The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even 
bother to look up.  "*A*unt, your Holiness."

The Pope didn't speak for a second.  "Oh."  He paused.  "Do 
you have an eraser?"

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and
deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. 

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." 

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

   Pope Dies
   The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
   reception committee, and
   after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
   recreations available.
   He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
   the Holy Scriptures, and
   spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
   linguistic master, he
   sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
   Bible, working back
   from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
   All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
   running to him, only to
   find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
   "An 'R'! They left out
   the 'R'."
   God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
   is. After collecting
   his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
   supposed to be
   CELEBRATE!"
   

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
 A leisure centre. 

Science alert

Scientists have just discovered something that can
do the work of five men: a woman.