George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal
and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a
long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone
tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked,
"Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him
and continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren't
you Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, even
turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's
arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me
-- Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not saying
shit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming
the desert for 40 years!"

Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants.
They're for grass roots support.

How are men like UFOs?

You don't know where they come from, what their mission is,
or what time they're going to take off.