This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago
that I lost my dear wife and children.

I'll never forget that game of cards...

The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many 

Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to 

three of them.  They called Congress and asked them to vote

on a method of determining each General's early retirement

bonus.  After voting Congress decided that each man would 

choose two points of their body to measure between and then 

each man would be paid $10,000 per inch.



    They called in the first General.  He decide to have

them measure from the top of his head to the bottom of his

feet.  Upon measuring it to 6 feet, they paid him $720,000.



    The next General, thinking a little bit more, stretched

his arms above his head, and asked them to measure from the

tips of his fingers, to the bottom of his feet.  After 

measuring 8 feet, they paid him $960,000.



    The next General, with a smug look on his face, asked 

them to measure from the tip of his penis to the bottom of

his balls.  Congress decided to call in a medical officer.

The medical officer asked the General to drop his pants.  

The medical officer lifted the General's penis to make the

measurement, but instead he exclaimed, "Good God man, where

are your balls!!"  With a smile the General said, "I left 

them in Vietnam."


Sent by Sparky and Wife

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family 
doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant."

"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and 
in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."

"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is 
cockeyed."

If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for 
the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and 
introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living 
room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on 
the mantle. 

When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring 
curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," 
Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so 
that she drops the vase with a  -- ashes and broken 
vase scattering all around. 

After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... 
I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." 

"It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- 
Mart." 

The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but 
your husband's ashes..." 

"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off 
his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"