This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
   coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her
   wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her
   and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my
   God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
   
   She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It
   figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices
   is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner
   jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with
   his drink.
   
   "What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and
   almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come
   in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in
   public!!!!??"
   
   "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to
   catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
   

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the
coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept
punching the buttons only to have happen what you'd
expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other,
and change too! 

After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went
and got more. Back at it she went, blocking the way
to the other vending machines with the mounting pile
of soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to the
young lady. 

People were starting to gather, seeing this beautiful
woman enthusiastically plugging money in like it was
fun. The people were gathering more though waiting their
turn at the machines. 

After watching a while, someone asked from the rear of
the group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 

'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'm
winning here?' 

This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
   Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
   spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
   preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
   ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
   necklace that he admired so much.
   
   She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
   need it for at a time like this ?
   
   He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
   I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."

Q: What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
            A: Her crayons are still sticky.