The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."

A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in 
arm in arm...

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is 
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he 
finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the 
line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the 
racquet out of your mouth." 

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. 
The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were 
skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or 
velcro) for opening them. 
After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her 
hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her.
"Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?" 
"Well," she replied, "you can start by buying me a drink."

The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, 
then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, 
after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand 
trap. 
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. 
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. 
"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"