Golf in the Bedroom
   Rules of Play
   Each player shall provide his own equipment - normally one club and
   two balls.
   Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
   Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
   keep the balls out of the
   hole.
   For the most effective play, the club owner should have a firm shaft.
   Course owners are
   permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
   Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
   damage to the hole.
   The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
   the course owner is
   satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in
   denied permission to play
   the course again.
   It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon
   arrival at the course.
   The experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire
   course, with special
   attention to well formed bunkers.
   Players are encouraged not to mention other courses they have played,
   or are currently
   playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have
   been known to
   damage a player's equipment for this reason.
   Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
   protection.
   Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly
   scheduled, particularly
   when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players
   have been known to
   become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they
   considered to be a private
   course.
   Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times.
   Some players may be
   embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair.
   Players are advised to be
   extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
   alternate means of play
   at this time.
   Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before
   attempting to play the
   back nine.
   Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
   proceed at a quicker
   pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.
   It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the
   same course several
   times in one month.
   

Two wives were airing their troubles:
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.
"My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?"
asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it,"
replied the first. 

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant.  
Guess what?  His penis rejected it!

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the
nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.
Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play
along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home
with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said,
"Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died".
"It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"

   Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   make
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   hand.
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   using
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   sneaky
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   sneaky,"
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three
   kids."