Q: What do you get when you breed a Bulldog and a Shitzu together?

A: Bullshit

Cop coming upon a young couple making out....
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We're necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.

Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.

A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by
and the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some money for a fix." 
The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you,
little girl?" 
"I'm eight, sir." 
"Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?" 
"Since I was raped, sir, when I was four." 
"RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?" 
"I don't remember, I was drunk." 

A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't 
usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty 
woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to 
her car he says, "You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever 
helped out of a ditch".
"But I'm not pregnant," she says.
"Well you're not out of the ditch yet," he says.