A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm
is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the
whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I
sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant
smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. 

A medieval Jewish astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite 
mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. 
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had 
brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded 
him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!" 

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him 
immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will 
die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will 
die three days later."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied,
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this
remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenient
store)would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I
dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive
over there and check about the batteries it's a long
walk.