'Ah, well, yes, you see, one of the things that makes
folks even more jolly is knowing there're people who
ain't,' said Albert, in a matter-of-fact voice.
'That's how it goes, master.  Master?'

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
   Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
   reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered
   other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
   --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

   (written high upon the wall above a urinal)
   Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.


  

I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage --
no matter how ugly and disgusting it gets. 

     - Major Frank Burns, M*A*S*H