Part 3 of 12
   
                    This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
                            
                    His fart for no money would barter.
                            He could roar from his rear
                            Any scene from Shakespeare,
                            
                    Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
                            

"Can't you see where this is all leading,
This nightmare of selective breeding ?"
He spat on the ground
And then turned around
And continued on with his weeding. 

There was a gay dog from Ontario 
            Who fancied himself a Lothario. 
                At a wench's glance 
                He'd snatch off his pants 
            And make for her Mons Venerio. 

I'm Glad I'm A Woman



 I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
 I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
 I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
 I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
 I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
 and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
 
 I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
 my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
 and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
 or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
 I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
 I'm a woman you see --  I'm just not that kind!
 
 I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
 I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
 It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
 When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
 And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
 I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
 Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
 I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
 
 And I honestly think its a privilege for me
 to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
 I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
 I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
 I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
 stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
 or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
 then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
 
 Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
 you can forget all about that old penis envy
 I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
 join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
 I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
 I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

There was a young squaw of Wohunt 
            Who possessed a collapsible cunt. 
                It had many odd uses, 
                Produced no papooses, 
            And fitted both giant and runt.