My back aches, my pussy is sore,
I simply can't fuck any more,
I'm covered with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And my God, it's a quarter to four!

                    There once was a man from Dundee
                            
                    Who was fucking an ape in a tree.
                            The results were most horrid:
                            All ass and no forehead,
                            
                    Three balls and a purple goatee!

               There was an old fellow from Roop 
               Who'd lost all control of his poop. 
                    One evening at supper 
                    His wife said, "Now, Tupper, 
               Stop making that noise with your soup!" 

There once was a man of Belfast
Whose balls out of iron were cast.
He managed somehow
To bugger a sow,
Thus you get pig-iron, at last. 

            Thank God for the Duchess of Gloucester, 
            She obliges all who accost her. 
                She welcomes the prick 
                Of Tom, Harry, or Dick, 
            Or Baldwin, or even Lord Astor.