The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her 
husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." 
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." 
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." 
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" 
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't
forget to give this letter to George.'"

   A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is
   working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
   
   So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and
   the bees.
   
   He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.
   
   He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love......
   
   He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to
   tell it all is the only way to tell truth.
   
   The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new
   knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know
   about sex?"
   
   "Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
   

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. 
Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the 
ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll 
have to inform his wife. 

Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he 
volunteers to do the job. 

After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did 
you tell her?" asks Jeff. "Yep", replies Bob. "Say, where did 
you get the six-pack?" 

Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me."

"WHAT??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died 
and she gave you a six-pack??" 

"Sure," Bob says. "WHY?" asks Jeff. "Well," Bob continues, 
"when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's 
widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a 
widow!' So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army 
days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that 
when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, 
click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company 
presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first. 

"Oh," replied the other off hand, "just our medals."

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding 
parents left us alone in the living room. 
Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed 
her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.
"If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I 
said to her.
Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back 
again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."