A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the
salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time.  A new haircut and new
color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses.  Then she waited a few days 
before she again approached the salesman.  "I would like to buy this TV," 
she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Sent by Ace

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were 
asked if they would ever sleep with President 
Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in 
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and 
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them 
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, 
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." 
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: 
                      _
                    /   \
                   |     |        O 
                    \ _ /

and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this 
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd 
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." 

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" 

"Well, I used the same two circles.  I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?

Depth perception.

What's the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?

     One that screws when she's just had her hair done.