The man walked past the armored car and hears people talking inside. He 
stepped closer to hear what they were saying: "I see you, and I'll raise 
you another sixty thousand."

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.
I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs 
at me.
Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face 
down on that couch."

The doctor took Bill into the room and said,
"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." 

Bill said, "Give me the good news." 

"They're going to name a disease after you." 

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Tombstone Epitaph:
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising