Out All Night Drinking

   An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally
   says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat
   on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
   maybe that will sober him up.
   Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls
   home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls
   through the door and up the stairs.
   When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time
   he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
   He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at
   him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
   "How did you know?" he asks.
   "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you
….swear you'll never do it again.

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton
   doing the same?

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? 

     - Chapped lips. 

Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that
they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when
there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we could alway eat one."