What would you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float!

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John 
suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in
and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as
he is OK.
Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is 
that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, 
since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a 
normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have 
saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.
David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry

One blonde to another...

Have you ever read Shakespeare?

No. Who wrote it?

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke 
decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone 
by the bar.  To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink 
and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. 

The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her 
flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. 

Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out a
cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to 
find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.

Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of 
matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another 
man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your 
husband?" he inquires nervously.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?"

"No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered bloke.
Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her 
face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO 
DISCOVERER: ADAM 
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. 

Common Uses: 

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent. 

Tests: 

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards: 

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.