CONDOMINIUM

A prophylactic for midgets.

A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right 
into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he 
picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying 
the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says "thank you for not 
disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have 
a full supply of butter".

"Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hit
the ball into the pussywillows?"

Q: What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?
A: Having to go to bed so early!

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand
was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate
New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a
burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager,
and decided, there and then,to hire him. He turned to the first
applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry
yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.
However,you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the
place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,
"Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding 
anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, 
with the inscription: "Here lies my wife.....cold as ever" Later the 
furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: 
"Here lies my husband.....stiff at last"