A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside 
the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most 
attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed 
her constantly glancing down at his crotch. "Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he 
said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help 
produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?" "As 
a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward 
his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"

Mac vs. Etch-a-Sketch:

                                         You Decide



                                                __________
                                               |  ______  |
 ________                                      | |      | |
| ______ |        'But that isn't a fair       | |      | |
||      ||         comparison.  People         | |______| |
||______||        like the Etch-A-Sketch.'     |          |
| o    o |                                     | _ _ _ _ _|
|________|                                    (|__________|\
                                              |     ________)_
Roger Earl                                   [^]   |          |
roger_earl@outbound.wimsey.bc.ca             [_]   |__________|


After admiring the above signature I thought I'd post a comparison,
similar to the other great computer wars.

                                Etch-A-Sketch           Mac Classic

No. of Colours                        2                     2
Resolution                        ~2000*~2000           512 * 342
No. of buttons                        2                     1
Preemptive Multitasking              Yes                    No
Hardware line draw                   Yes                    No
Price                                < $20                ~ $1000
Power Consumption                     No                   Yes
Laptop                               Yes                    No
Slow Operating System                 No                   Yes
Non Volatile Memory                  Yes                    No
Choice of Coloured box               Yes                    No
Robust design (shakeable)            Yes                    No

After considering the above options, I decided to buy the Etch-A-Sketch.
For all you die-hard Amiga fanatics out there rumour has it that the
Etch-A-Sketch-Emulator is coming out for the Amiga, and will in fact
be faster than the true E-A-S.

Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first 
blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, 
"Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim.
Please tell me how  you did this!"
The second blonde then  says, " But you ARE on the otherside!"

    There was an old married couple that had happily lived
   together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage
   was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every
   morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the
   smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for
   air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one
   in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him
   to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband
   wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily
   function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the
   fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural
   about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts
   out".
   The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
   continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
   one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
   prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed
   potatoes, gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the
   turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might
   solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she
   placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours
   before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly
   asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her
   husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into
   her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and
   tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal. Several
   hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass
   trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the
   sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
   bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to
   tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up
   with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later, her
   husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of
   horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she
   asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all
   those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
   "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
   "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
   of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God
   and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

Love Jesus

                                  by Dennis DiPasquale



                       The other day I went to the local religious book store,
                where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it
                 and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I
                did. What an uplifting experience followed.  I was stopped at the
                  light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the
                 Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper
                  sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
                Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
                 love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and
                   yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a
                    football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!"
                Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and
                 waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have
                   been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him
                 yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a
                   funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

                     I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
                    looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the
                Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him
                 the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black
                man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear
                    him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or
                 "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must
                really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in
                 the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were
                  walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I
                noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a
                good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the
                intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way
                 out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian
                    good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such
                                        wonderful folks.