Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if
my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that.  All you need is
some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.  You paint one ball red and
one ball blue.  On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are
the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"
The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you."
"Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"

This blind guy was walking pass the fish market and he said
"Good morning ladies.."

A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a
beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how
much it would cost to repair the condom.
  The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot
welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he
could sell the private a new one.
  The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in
two hours with an answer."
  Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:
"The regiment has voted to replace."

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? 

The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.