Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. 

    - Ruth Gordon

"So... your place or my mother's?"
                        -- me

"Spell 'Paranoia'"
"I can't! I'm diabetic! It means I can't spell!"
                        -- me, a very drunk guy at a party

"A man who won't lie to a woman has very
little consideration for her feelings." 

     - Olin Miller 

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty, and that's the law."

                       - Jerry Seinfeld