"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn't."

                                         -Patrick Murray

If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many
   lawyers?
         Calvin Trillin

"O mysterious, wondrous and downright amazing Oracle:
 How come we never see baby pigeons?"
"You do, but you only see them before they go into their cocoons and grow
 wings. Baby pigeons are usually called 'squirrels'."
                        -- Generic Supplicant, The Internet Oracle

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And
she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

                 -Gary Shandling