A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the 
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of 
compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. 
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. 
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park 
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and 
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.

"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."

"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I 
have all the times and dates in my log."

"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that 
much fun." 

Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .
please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .
repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

What do jello and a woman have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as 
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped 
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and 
Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out the
window and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raining
like hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he
started running along side the others -- only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. 

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" 
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." 

The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?" 

Ralph answered breathlessly: "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" 

The runner then asked: "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" 

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."