An Unusual Ailment
   
   A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The
   man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't
   believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.
   A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and
   wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe
   that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes
   yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off.
   The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says,
   "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis
   from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are
   you?"
   The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a
   very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The
   woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The
   man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant
woman and a Playboy centerfold?

Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick
….as I beat my wife!

            The Missionary and the Chief

            A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how
            to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he
            is to return home.

            He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was
            how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in
            the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is
            a tree."

            The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary
            is pleased with the response.

            They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and
            says, "This is a rock."

            Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

            The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when
            he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he
            sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre
            is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

            The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and
            kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that
            he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
            kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in
            cold blood that way?

            The chief replied, "My bike."

"Great, just what I need," she moaned as he brought
home a new microwave oven. "One more thing that heats
up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds."