Tom : I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Jim : That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Tom : But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Jim : That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had
gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What
does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies.

They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. 
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me." 
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" 
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did
the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." 
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" 
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." 
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" 
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving
around, my zip code keeps changing."

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds
and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting
into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. 
At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I was 8, you hit me 
with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups 
don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."