Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?

A: It changes their blood type. 

A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to
the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain 
announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very
bad news.  Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane
will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below
us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island
appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So
the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our
lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island,
whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay
our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?"
"No Morris!" she responded.
Morris smiles, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?"
"Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!"
Now Morris laughs.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple
Building Fund check this month?"
"Oy Morris I forgot that one too!"
Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.
Esther asks Morris, "So what are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris responds, "They'll find us!!"

   A fellow walks into a bar, and his eye is quickly drawn to a large
   glass bowl filled with ten dollar bills. Intrigued, he asks the
   bartender why the bowl is there. The bartender explains that it's an
   ongoing challenge at this particular bar.
   
   "For ten bucks you get a shot at three tasks -- if you complete them
   all successfully, you'll get yer ten bucks back, along with the rest
   of the money."
   
   The fellow expresses an interest in the idea.
   
   "Well," says the bartender, "it sounds a lot easier than it really is.
   A lot of guys haven't been able to hack it. You gotta drink a whole
   one of those kegs in the corner over there -- then there's this crazy
   mad pit bull out back, through that door -- he's crazy on account of
   he's got an infected tooth, so you'll have to pull that."
   
   Some of the regulars start to pay attention to the guy, so he inflates
   his chest and prods the bartender on.
   
   "Well," says the bartender, "then you gotta -- upstairs is the lady
   who owns this place -- she's pretty old, but you gotta -- well, you
   gotta make her finish if you know what I mean."
   
   "Bring her to orgasm?" asks the fellow.
   
   "Yup," says the bartender. "That's the third thing."
   
   Without hesitation, the guy proudly places a new ten dollar bill into
   the bowl, and sets off to the nearest keg in the corner. The regulars
   stare on, having seen many men fail.
   
   After successfully draining the keg in record time, the man makes his
   way out the back door, surprisingly staggering very little. For a good
   half hour, painful sounds of growling and crashing come through the
   wall as the regulars shoot knowing looks in each other's directions.
   
   As the clamor outside subsides, and the bartender starts to add ten to
   the running total cash pot, the fellow staggers in through the back
   door, bloody, clothing in shreds, with a determined look in his eye.
   The others look on in amazement as he claps his hands together and
   says,
   
   "Alright, now where's that ugly old lady needs her fuckin' tooth
   pulled?"
   

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

When the power goes off.

A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places
his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: "I'm sorry Sir,
this is a clock shop not a cock shop." 

"Well, put two hands and a face on this." replies the man.