There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a 
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION 
ALL" and farts loudly. 

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at 
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my 
wife." 

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

   Little Johnny says to his mother " Mommy, I have to go and tinkle."
   The mother replies back " Would you like Mommy to take you?".
   Little Johnny says " No let grandma . . . her hand shakes! "
   

An old sailor goes to a brothel,
where he chooses his girl and begins.
"How am I doing?" He asks.
"Three knots," she replies.
"Three knots? What's that mean?"
"You're not hard, you're not in,
and you're not getting your money back."

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the
hitch-hiker wakes up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver
replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep."
Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"some kinda animal again."
Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"Some bastard!". "How terrible",says the hitch-hiker, "but there were
3 bangs"
The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences
to get the bastard. . ."

Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.