At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women 
were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a 
secret." 

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my 
age a secret since I was twenty-one." 

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. 

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret 
for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right
thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits,
and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said
that he had discovered the main problem. 
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,
and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "this
is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" 
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what
time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

Why did God give men larger brains than dogs? 

     So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. 

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is 
foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a 
close shave around the cheeks. 

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small 
wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between 
your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber 
proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. 

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow 
like everyone else does."

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, 
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that 
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."