Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down 
two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned 
to NATO's base.

If Timex made toasters...
They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters
that take a licking and keep on toasting.

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor
   comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms
   or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises
   him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
   After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes
   him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad
   orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
   patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
   disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso
   pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The
   father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
   The patrons chant "take another drink!" The bartender still shakes his
   head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The
   father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
   chant "take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.
   By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches
   down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs
   pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father thanks God. The boy stands up
   on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right....
   right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs into
   him and kills him.
   The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender cleans
   his glasses and whistles an old Irish tune. The father looks at the
   bartender in disbelief and asks, "How can you be so cold and callous?"
   The bartender says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over
by the cops.  The cop asked the man for his name and the
guy replied, "Earl."

"You got a last name, Earl?"

"Nope.  It's a long story, Officer."

"I got time."

Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa.  I was going to school to become a doctor, and
I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD.  I got bored just
being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and 
became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D.  After a little more time I 
fooled around with this girl and got VD.  So I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD.  When the medical board
found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known
as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD.  The dentistry board also found
out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl 
Doo-Dah with VD.  Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so
I'm now just Earl."

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and 
he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. 
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. 
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."