A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
   carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
   "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F _ _ _-UP!" For a moment,
   everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely
   lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because
   he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired
   before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In
   memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved
   "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fxxk-up!"


  

[Times of London]
A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when he tried to
get a suntan. After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in
Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctors' paging devices, the
thief spotted a vertical sunbed. He walked into the unit and removed his
clothes for a 45-minute tan.  However, the high-voltage UV machine at the
hospital, which is renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a
maximum dosage of ten seconds.  After lying on the bed for almost 300
times the recommended maximum time the man was covered in blisters. Hours
later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to Southampton
General Hospital, 20 miles away, in Hampshire. Staff became suspicious
because he was wearing a doctor's coat. After tending his wounds they called
the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke
into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan. Doctors say he is
going to be scarred for life."

Matsushita Electric is promoting a new Japanese PC targeted
at the Internet. Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese
Web browser, and to make the system "user-friendly", licensed
the cartoon character "Woody Woodpecker" as the "Internet
guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the
product. 

A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the product in
Japan last week. The day before the ads were to be released,
Panasonic suddenly pulled back and delayed the product launch
indefinitely. 

The reason: the ads featured the slogan "Touch Woody - The Internet
Pecker." An American staff member at the internal product launch
explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what "touch woody"
and "pecker" meant in American slang. 

     -From EE Times, October 8, 1996