This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

   Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
   currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
   Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support
   employee:
   "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
   "What sort of trouble?"
   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
   away."
   "Went away?"
   "They disappeared."
   "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
   "Nothing."
   "Nothing?"
   "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
   "How do I tell?"
   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
   "What's a sea-prompt?"
   "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
   "What's a monitor?"
   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
   have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
   "I don't know."
   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
   cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
   "Yes, I think so."
   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
   the wall."
   ".......Yes, it is."
   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
   "No."
   "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
   other cable."
   ".......Okay, here it is."
   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
   of your computer."
   "I can't reach."
   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
   "No."
   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
   dark."
   "Dark?"
   "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
   from the window."
   "Well, turn on the office light then."
   "I can't."
   "No? Why not?"
   "Because there's a power outage."
   "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
   still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came
   in?"
   "Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."
   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
   was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
   from."
   "Really? Is it that bad?"
   "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
   "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


  

This story occurred on Melbourne radio some time ago. One of the FM 
stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three 
personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three 
questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas 
holiday. Last week the competition went like this: 

Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ? 
Brian:Yeah, sure. 
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex? 
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning. 
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian ? 
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes. 
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it? 
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that. 
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian ! 
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table. 
Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter).
Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife ? 
Brian: Yeah, alright. 

Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ? 
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks. 
Presenter: (Explains competition again)
We've got Brian on the other line, say hello. 
Sharelle: Hi Brian. 
Brian: Hi Sharelle. 
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions 
we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to 
Bali. 
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey. 
Sharelle: O.K. 
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them. 
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work. 
Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for 
Sharelle?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. 
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman. 
Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no. 
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here. 
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway..
just tell em. 
Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass!

Radio Silence 

Ad.

Karen was telling me that her to-be-ex, a police officer, asked
the judge to please remind her to re-register a gun he'd given
her in her name.  "You see, your honor, to buy it, I had to 
register it in my name."  The judge said, "Why's this so impor-
tant?"  "Because, Your Honor, I don't want to be shot with 'my 
own gun'."  The judge had to hold a piece of paper in front of his 
face to hide his laughter.