U.S. Lawmaker Says He Is Worried About E-Mail Pregnancy

Citing the case of a woman who claims she got pregnant from
e-mail, an Ohio Democrat called Wednesday for a "chastity
chip" for the Internet. Rep. James Traficant, known for his
flamboyant rhetoric, gave a brief floor speech about a woman
named Frances who claimed to have gotten pregnant through an
e-mail exchange with a paramour 1,500 miles away. "That's right
-- pregnant," he proclaimed, warning of the dangers of
"immaculate reception." He called on Congress to go beyond
"v-chips" that would protect kids from sexual content on the
Internet, saying, "Its time for Congress to act. The computers
do not need a v-chip. The Internet needs a chastity chip." 

Los Angeles entrepreneur, Poor Innocent Guy David Morgan,
52, opened a new business called Anger Behind Closed Doors.
Clients pay $10 a session to enter a padded room where they
can vent their pent-up hostility by attacking a green dummy.

"How many times do you want to choke someone because they
really deserved it?  And, of course, you can't do it?"
Morgan told the Los Angeles Times. "But here you can do,
say, feel what you want."

After acting on their anger, clients unwind in the 15,000-
square-foot facility's "thought and relaxation area," which
comprises four private booths where they can listen to
soothing music.

Already the SLOTHS are organizing an effort to close Anger
Behind closed Doors.  One SLOTHS spokeswomen said, "When I
yell at my husband or double-bind him, I want him to suffer.
He has no right to go off to this place and vent his
frustrations so he can feel good."

There's a new church that opened recently in Southern California. It's 
called "The Church of the Divine Helping". 

Communion is an all-you-can-eat affair. They focus on prayer breakfasts, 
community brunches, business outreach lunches, ladies teas, and (of 
course) potluck dinners. The church's motto: 

"God helps those who help themselves."