I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said,
"Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to-"
At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, "Moskowitz
and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two
Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can't you tell the
joke with other nationalities involved? Why don't you
make them Chinese for a change?"
The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said,
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. Here's the joke:
One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the
synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang's nephew..."

The classically minded among us may have noted a new TV ad for
Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program which uses the
musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Mozart's Requiem. 

"Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen, while 
the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis." For 
those of you who have not studied Latin, this translates to "The damned 
and accursed are consigned to the flames of hell." 

Good to know that Microsoft has done its research!

Subject: If You Gotta Go, Start Early

This story is about a rather strange reply for a 
campground reservation. It is said to be true, 
but you be the judge.

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, 
and elegant - especially in her language - was 
planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote 
to a particular campground and asked for a 
reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully 
equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about 
the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring 
herself to write the word 'TOILET' in her letter. 
After much deliberation, she finally came up with 
the old-fashioned term 'BATHROOM COMMODE.' But 
when she wrote that down, she still thought she 
was being too forward. So, she started all over 
again, rewrote the letter and referred to the 
bathroom commode merely as the B.C. 'Does the 
campground have it's own B.C.?' is what she 
actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at 
all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't 
figure out what the woman was talking about. That 
B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the 
letter to several campers, but they couldn't 
imagine what the lady meant either. So the 
campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion 
that the lady must be asking about the location of 
the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the 
following reply:
'Dear Madam: I regret very much for the delay in 
answering your letter. I now take the pleasure in 
informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles 
north of the campground and is capable of seating 
250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a 
distance away if you are in the habit of going 
regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to 
know that a great number of people usually take 
their lunches along and make a day of it. They 
usually arrive early and stay late.'
'The last time my wife and I went was six years 
ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up 
the whole time we were there. It may interest you 
to know that right now, there is a supper being 
planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're 
going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.'
'I would like to say it pains me very much not to 
be able to go more regularly but it is sure no 
lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it 
seems to be more of an effort, particularly in 
cold weather.'
'If you do decide to come down to our campground, 
perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, 
sit with you, and introduce you to all the other 
folks.'
'Remember, this is a friendly community.'