My cousin Denney came to visit from the farm last summer. I asked
how his bus ride was and he said he had a good ride except for a
rude lady he encountered.

I asked what the problem was, and he said that when the lady got
on there were no seats left, so he offered her his seat. She
declined since she was only riding for a short distance. However,
while she was standing with her butt right in his face, he noticed
her dress was caught up in her crack. He decided to be nice and help
her so he pulled it out.

Well, she turned around and wopped him hard enough to turn his lights
out!

Then I asked him what he did then?

And Denney said that since she was that rude, he poked the dress right
back in there! 

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the
definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

     "an intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under
     the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an
     adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a
     'compromising position.'"

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury
candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in 
bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I 
could have shot him."

She wasn't selected for the jury.

Before we were married Wife used to always say, "You're only 
interested in one thing." Trouble is now though, after 36 years, 
I've forgotten what the hell it was.