"Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
 only to get screwed in the end."
                        -- From Ross Williams' FunList

Don't trust first impulses--they are always good.

                                           --Tallyrand

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
   Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
   because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
   forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
   forever.
   -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

I knew a tattoo artist whose wife left him because he had designs on other women. 

     -Joey Adams 

"It smells like a technicolour yawn..."
"Tastes like it too."
                        -- Andrew, and then me, after I sculled it