Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
   the 'Y' becomes silent.

sorry I'd have written something shorter but I didn't have the time

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer. 

     - Dave Barry

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that
I could hear heavy breathing again.

Seen on the back of a Harley-Davidson Tee Shirt:
"If you can read this, my bitch fell off."