There was an old spinster of Tyre
Who bellowed, "MY CUNT IS ON FIRE!"
So a fireman was found,
Brought his engine around
And extinguished her burning desire

               There was a young man of St. Giles 
               Who'd walked thousands and thousands of miles, 
                    From the Cape of Good Hope, 
                    Just to bugger the Pope, 
               But he couldn't---the pontiff had piles. 

As the elevator car left our floor,
Big Sue caught her tits in the door;
She yelled a good deal,
But had they been real,
She'd have yelled considerably more.

On a bridge overlooking a ravine
Archibald was screwing Kathleen.
The force of his lunge
Caused the whole bridge to plunge.
The worst fucking disaster yet seen. 

A newlywed couple from Goshen 
               Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. 
                    In twenty-eight days 
                    They got laid eighty ways--- 
               Imagine such fucking devotion.