The newly married man came home from work to find his new 
bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee.

"Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively. 
"And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."

For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his 
wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they 
return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting 
for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was 
the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th 
anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 
50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the 
cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"

Sent by Scott

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911
operator told Bubba that she would send someone out
right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you
pick her up there?"

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her 
mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?  That babies 
come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had 
finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.
     
"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

A Duck walks into a bar. 

Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread
[After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread
[In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!
[Some time later]
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any 
F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail 
your F*****g bill to this bar.
.....
............
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?  

Sent by Duncan