A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new
territory.  He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and
before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties
all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that
horseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it."  

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"

She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet." 

Here's a lame one....

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!

A blonde began a job as an Junior  school counselor, and she 
was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy 
standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the 
rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. 
Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.

The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy 
noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. 
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be 
your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking 
at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, 
Sandy then asked "Why are you standing here all alone? 
Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over 
there?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, 

"I'm the bloody goalie."


Sent by Gerald

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a
harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware
of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like
a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept
tripping over him."

How is a man like a snow fall?

    -You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.