A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring 
in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip 
and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long 
as there's no homework." 

A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night.
The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my 
pussy look like before you rooted it?"
The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it."
"That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted 
it?"
"Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He was stuck to the chicken.

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her 
constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that 
you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying 
that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that
you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear 
those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard 
that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only 
said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"