"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your 
recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county 
home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone 
thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me 
listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. 
It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told 
her to go fuck herself.

             Sincerely,
             Edna Johnston" 

On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close
 to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
 dream that someone was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was  pulling on my dick."
"The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream that I went skiing."

There are four basic types of chain letters:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chain Letter Type I

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.  You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents,
and no pecker.  This little boy's life could be saved, because for every
time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless
Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
 Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent.  So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.  Oh, and a reminder- if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad
goat will rape your dead body.  Thanks again!!

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall 
that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order." 
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly 
writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he 
hears an explosion of voices. 
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the 
customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man. 
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this -- 
that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread."