A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by
   two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to
   learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During
   the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was
   decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go
   with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the
   men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach
   the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the
   little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she
   couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an
   elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
   "No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow.
   Thanks for the lift anyhow."

A guy's fingering his girlfriend.
She says, "Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me."
He says, "That's not my ring...It's my wristwatch." 

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After
riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,
"Well, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?"
replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."

Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. 
The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads 
towards the back of the store.
"If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't 
need the batteries." 

Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up 
from Yugoslavia by buyer