Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there
his teacher asked,
"Why are you late little Johnny?"
Johnny replied, "My grandpa got burnt, Miss."
The teacher replied, "I hope it wasn't too bad."
Then little Johnny said, "Don't worry, the crematorium doesn't
muck around!"

Tombstone epitaph

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.

Q. Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and 
her croutch called a waste??

A. You could fit another pair of breasts there  

Sent by sam

How is sex like air?

It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any. 

This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks "Whats a failic symbol?
Doctor says "you're kidding.."
Girl says "no! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???"
Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says "You see? This is a
failic symbol!"
Girl says "Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller"