A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY
   that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's
   right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as
   earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the
   program outline.
   FIRST YEAR:
   Autumn Schedule
   MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
   MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
   MEN 103 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
   MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
   Winter Schedule
   MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
   MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response to Getting In At 4 a.m.
   MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
   EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn To Cook
   ECON 001A What's Hers Is Hers
   Spring Schedule
   MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like An Asshole When You're Wrong
   MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
   MEN 122 YOU, The Weaker Sex
   MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers
   ECON 001B What's Yours Is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 001A)
   SECOND YEAR:
   Autumn Schedule
   SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
   SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
   MEN 201 How To Stay Awake After Sex
   MEN 202 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
   ELECTIVE (See Electives Below)
   Winter Schedule
   MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
   MEN 211 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
   MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver
   MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise - Especially Naked
   MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
   Spring Schedule
   MEN 220 Omitting @&*%$#* From Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
   MEN 221 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
   MEN 222 Real Men Ask For Directions
   MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay
   MEN 230B Her Birthdays And Anniversaries Are Important 2
   Course Electives
   EAT 101 Cooking With Quiche
   EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
   EAT 103 Burping And Belching Discreetly
   MEN 231 Mother-in-Law
   MEN 232 Appear To Be Listening
   MEN 233 Just Say, Yes Dear
   ECON 001C Cheaper To Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001B)

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several
bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the
victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' he
barked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!' The women watched for a few
minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when
you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?

There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BILL CLINTON: 
Let me say this one more time.
I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken. 

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners
after his Sunday morning service as he always does when
Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.
"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
"Well what is it, Mary?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"