Partial Dosage

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How
many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex
anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough 
so I don't pee on my shoes."

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife
in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted.

To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part 
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, 
the captain asked for questions.
     
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen 
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
     
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air 
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample. So the girl At the front 
desk says to him:
"Thank you for coming." 

Mongo's old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties. 
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
"Hi hon," she purred sexily. "Y'all want
some of this?"
"Hell, no!" he hollered. "Look at what it's
done to your undies!"