Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University? 

The scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up. 
The scientist are trying to determine what went wrong by sifting 
through the Rhesus' pieces.

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the 
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, 
and I saw a little boy staring in at me.  "Is that a dog you got back 
there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.  Puzzled, the boy looked at me 
and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided
to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the
rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to
his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment.

He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and
cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging,
he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the
flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the
water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he
died ... of exposure!