My brother was his graduating class's validictorian.

When he stood up to speak, all was going just fine, until he closed 
with, "and in closing I'll just say that there are two great honors a man 
can hope to achieve in his lifetime. And these two honors are, GET ON HER 
and STAY ON HER !"  The crowd busted a gut laughing, but my father was in 
big hot water since Mom knew exactly who had coached my brother with that 
one.  


Sent by Jennifer

I am a limo driver and this Judi once, was totally impressed
with the  bar, the interior lights, the mirrored ceiling --
everything in the stretch-limo.  Then she noticed the TV. 
There was a show  she really wanted to see that evening and
asked me in all  seriousness: 'the TV *does* get cable, right?'

A young woman was doing some business at Marshall University and
parked in an area clearly marked "no parking."
After taking care of business, she returned to her car to find a
campus security guard writing her a ticket.
"Why are you giving me a ticket?" she asked.
"You're not allowed to park here," the guard said.  "See that sign?
It says 'Fine for Parking Here.'"
"Well," said the violator, "I thought it was a fine place to park."
The guard began to laugh.  The more he thought about it, the harder
he laughed.
He tore up the ticket and waved the woman on her way.